Straining with Eyes Wide Open

We've made it home, and apparently I'm capable of driving on large highways for multiple hours. I feel like that's going to bite me in the bum when we head to Florida in a few weeks. We came home and realized we were more exhausted than we thought. We've been laying around, folding laundry, unpacking bags here and there, and laying around some more.

Yesterday, I felt a blessing pour over me that God had preserved my emotions and strength while we were gone. Don't get me wrong, I was tired, but not the kind of tired I felt when we got home a couple days ago. The boys were good while we were gone, and yesterday, all kinds of crazy broke loose. I felt humbled by the fact that God knew exactly what I could handle while we were gone.

It's only been a couple days, and I'm trying to take in all that just took place. What a whirlwind!

I'm digging deep and searching my heart to find out what I can take away from this week. I want to learn from my life and the situations that God has placed me in. It's much easier to move on and not look back, but I'm straining to find the lesson in it all. Straining with eyes wide open.

While the week was primarily about the guys, it was about me too. And not only me, but my boy's lives, and the nurses that we came in contact with, and even working in the lives of those who read our story on FB.  God's waiting to teach us and mold us, we just have to be willing to stop and listen.

As I think back, two words come to my mind.

PEACE

BLESSED

PEACE: As I think back to the morning of surgery, I felt so calm. Almost oddly calm. I don't think the slightest bit of me was worried. I felt that I may have looked slightly insensitive, while others were crying. And trust me, I am a crier. This is where I stood in my mind and heart: 

 This situation is of God, and whatever happens is of God, I will not be shaken. I had come to terms with the fact that if something went wrong, it was God's hand that allowed it, and it would be part of our story.

Blessed: Many times we think of blessings as material possessions, tangible goods, or people in our lives. But this weekend, I just felt blessed. In a way I maybe have never felt it before. People have commented that they pray that we will be blessed by this selfless act of love. And, I felt it. The whole week, I felt so in position with the will of God, that the blessings seemed to just pour over me. I can't even type this without tearing up, because it was so real, and I honestly can't exactly explain it. 

So where does this leave me? Honestly, still tired, but my cup is overflowing, right alongside my laundry basket. I feel challenged to live with eyes wide open in the big and in the mundane of life. There's a lesson to be learned at Mayo Clinic and at the grocery store. There are people that need to be touched in a hospital waiting room and at the park. I am praying for opportunity! I am inspired by my husband, and I long to be used in a way beyond my comfort zone. It's a scary prayer to pray, but I am confident that peace and blessings are right within my reach, as long as I am smack dab in the middle of His will, as scary as it may be.

What to do when your husband starts giving away body parts.

Life this very moment, has just become a little unpredictable. And, I'm happy to say I welcome it! I have peace, almost to the point of feeling that I'm being insensitive or not truly grasping the magnitude of the situation. But I literally just opened up Jesus Calling and read, "I will guide you step by step as you bend your will to Mine. Thus you stay close to Me on the path of Peace." I have full confidence, that this peace is from God. So let me back this truck up, so you can jump on for the ride.

That's my husband right there. Well, duh, who else would I be smooching? I haven't talked a whole lot about him on here, but this post is inspired by him. A year or so ago, he found out that one of his best friends from high school was in need of a kidney. Without even a second thought, he raised his hand to be tested. I was a little hesitant. I hate to say, even deep down, probably wanting him to change his mind. I felt slightly offended that I wasn't considered too much in the decision. Looking back, boy am I glad that my selfish attitude didn't change the situation. Now you have to understand that my husband excels at most everything he does. So, naturally I think I knew he would be the match. Of course the Lord gave him the perfect kidney. The Lord gave me what experts would probably call perfect cellulite, because you know there probably is such a thing, and I'm probably the winner. But, he gave my husband the kidney to give to his friend. I felt like when he came back from his first big round of testing, it was no surprise that he was the match. 

We knew the day would come for the transplant to actually take place, but for some odd reason, I thought/hoped maybe it wouldn't. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't against it, maybe just a little fearful and trying to hold onto something that he doesn't actually need. Well the day has come, and this Monday, the transplant will take place. 

So, how did I get from a little fearful and selfish, to full of peace and joy over the situation? I feel like God has been growing me this year. Primarily through the Bible study that I was a part of. Looking back, I feel like God knew I was ready for this to happen now. And, I'm forever grateful to see that God cares about me, in spite of my failures. It's amazing to me that God is willing to make himself known and speak to us, even when we are still so far from perfect! I've seen how God ordained this situation and made my husband the one who can help his friend. I've seen God working through him and his friend. I wouldn't want it any other way. I'm not fearful, because I am confident that God knew my husband would be at Mayo Clinic on May 19, 2014, giving his kidney to his friend. I believe He knew this even before he was conceived. If this is God's will, I want to be in it no matter what trial it may involve. 

We have family and friends who have been a little fearful about the situation and concerned that some day he may need his other kidney. My husband's response is that we could play the "what if" game all day long. This is a divine appointment, right here, right now, and we don't want to miss it. I'm so grateful that my selfishness didn't make us miss it. I've learned a great lesson of submission and heeding to the fact that the Holy Spirit may be telling my husband something and that I will hear it eventually, once I come along for the ride. And, boy have I.

So how can you pray? We would love to feel your prayers on Monday!

• Pray for wisdom for the doctors and that this would be a simple procedure and that all would go well.
• Pray ultimately that TJ's body will accept the kidney, and that he can begin to feel so much better!
• Pray for a quick recovery for Marty and that his mind wouldn't be filled with work related stress. I pray that this time for him would be relaxing and a blessing of rest, in his otherwise jam packed schedule. 
• Pray for TJ and his wife as they will be at Mayo longer and away from their kids. Pray that loads of friends and family would offer them help during this time!
• Most of all, pray that God's glory would be made known through TJ and Marty's testimony. We aren't to just move on and have this as a "remember when" story. This is now part of their story, which God has written. It's time to share!

Thank you so much for your prayers and support. We are so excited to let God use us, even when it disturbs our normal routine.  

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7

A Call to Love More

I'll start off by saying the hubs and I aren't super sappy on a day like today. And, what to do with a day like this? Yes, you want to show your love like crazy, but shouldn't it just be a small extension of your daily love, in and out, on the other 364 days of the year? Why does it have to be such an ordeal and so expensive? I could have bought 4 dozen eggs with what I just spent on a piece of cardstock from the drugstore.

Don't call me a Valentine's Day hater, but I prefer little bits of love sprinkled throughout the year. It's like the no-brainer holiday for a man (or woman). Where's the effort there? Where's the thought? It's easy to pick out a card about love on a day like today. (Unless you just went, because they might be a bit picked through,  or so I've been told.)

 

I would love a card on a random day, that I know my husband had to search for in the Hallmark aisle. Or better yet, a hand written note! Be still my ever loving heart!

Today has challenged me to look Valentine's Day straight in the eye and decide to live out "Valentine's Day" on a more regular basis. And when I think about showing love on a day in day out basis, I can't help but think of the word gratitude. It's not good enough to let Hallmark tell your spouse how grateful you are for them, once a year. I want my husband to know that he's loved and appreciated all the live long year! And when you sit, and think about what you are grateful for, you can't help but feel more love and have a desire to work harder in your relationship. Because, really, it does take work.

While I generally think of my spouse on a day like today, I can't help but think of the one who gave up His life, so I may freely live! My ultimate love and the one who loves me more than I can fathom. Today feels almost more like a spiritual journey, than an emotional one. Everything I said above, is how I also want my relationship with Christ to look like. I don't want to only express a sincere gratitude on Easter or Christmas. I don't want a holiday kind of love. The more I sit silent and think about what God has done in my life, the more my heart overflows with love for him. And, the more I desire Him in my life, the more I can love others freely.

All this to say, we're still celebrating the holiday. I'm even sporting a t-shirt with a pink heart on it. I'll still get dolled up tonight for dinner alone with my husband. And, I totally appreciated the love that seemed to fill the air when I ran to the bank and grocery store. I think today has given us Midwesterners a little brightness in the midst of this crazy and depressing winter. But, I guess I'm just challenging myself  and anyone else who is listening, that we can show love more than once a year. I want my husband to sense that my heart explodes for him all year long. And ultimately, I want God to feel that, on a much deeper level too.

* wink * wink *
Happy Valentine's Day!

Peace

I hadn't really given much thought about New Year's resolutions, other than the obvious one to lose weight. But, the day after Christmas was just beautiful out, and as I walked our little dog around the pond, I realized something, I need less noise in my life! 

It was just Darla and I, and the occasional goose overhead. I felt peace inside. 

No TV blaring or cell phone in my hand. I had no idea how badly I needed that. Even music can be a little overbearing at times.

So, I've been thinking about what is causing all this noise in my head, and it does boil down to electronics and social media.

And when did it get to the point of being an idol of my heart, instead of God seated on the throne? That is truly the problem. 

Why am I checking my phone in the morning instead of pulling my Bible out?

I have some different ideas and steps in mind in order to combat this problem. I'll unpack those another time after I give them a little more thought.

Everybody's picking a word for the year. I think I'll go with peace.

As a Christian, it's so freeing to know that I can have peace amidst the chaos. Some chaos is not our plans, but His. Other chaos is just because of pure laziness. When my kids are fighting, and I'm too busy on Instagram to deal with it the proper way, I'm only adding to the chaos.

 I want intentional chaos. Chaos because we're busy in the church or because we're busy having families over for dinner. I want chaos that makes the Father smile, because we're busy building His Kingdom. 

I have other things that I want to work on this year and be better at. But, I truly felt God speak to me when I was out walking the dog that day. In some ways, it's a domino affect. This one area can transform my life in many other ways.

So, what's your word for 2014? Do tell!