Straining with Eyes Wide Open

We've made it home, and apparently I'm capable of driving on large highways for multiple hours. I feel like that's going to bite me in the bum when we head to Florida in a few weeks. We came home and realized we were more exhausted than we thought. We've been laying around, folding laundry, unpacking bags here and there, and laying around some more.

Yesterday, I felt a blessing pour over me that God had preserved my emotions and strength while we were gone. Don't get me wrong, I was tired, but not the kind of tired I felt when we got home a couple days ago. The boys were good while we were gone, and yesterday, all kinds of crazy broke loose. I felt humbled by the fact that God knew exactly what I could handle while we were gone.

It's only been a couple days, and I'm trying to take in all that just took place. What a whirlwind!

I'm digging deep and searching my heart to find out what I can take away from this week. I want to learn from my life and the situations that God has placed me in. It's much easier to move on and not look back, but I'm straining to find the lesson in it all. Straining with eyes wide open.

While the week was primarily about the guys, it was about me too. And not only me, but my boy's lives, and the nurses that we came in contact with, and even working in the lives of those who read our story on FB.  God's waiting to teach us and mold us, we just have to be willing to stop and listen.

As I think back, two words come to my mind.

PEACE

BLESSED

PEACE: As I think back to the morning of surgery, I felt so calm. Almost oddly calm. I don't think the slightest bit of me was worried. I felt that I may have looked slightly insensitive, while others were crying. And trust me, I am a crier. This is where I stood in my mind and heart: 

 This situation is of God, and whatever happens is of God, I will not be shaken. I had come to terms with the fact that if something went wrong, it was God's hand that allowed it, and it would be part of our story.

Blessed: Many times we think of blessings as material possessions, tangible goods, or people in our lives. But this weekend, I just felt blessed. In a way I maybe have never felt it before. People have commented that they pray that we will be blessed by this selfless act of love. And, I felt it. The whole week, I felt so in position with the will of God, that the blessings seemed to just pour over me. I can't even type this without tearing up, because it was so real, and I honestly can't exactly explain it. 

So where does this leave me? Honestly, still tired, but my cup is overflowing, right alongside my laundry basket. I feel challenged to live with eyes wide open in the big and in the mundane of life. There's a lesson to be learned at Mayo Clinic and at the grocery store. There are people that need to be touched in a hospital waiting room and at the park. I am praying for opportunity! I am inspired by my husband, and I long to be used in a way beyond my comfort zone. It's a scary prayer to pray, but I am confident that peace and blessings are right within my reach, as long as I am smack dab in the middle of His will, as scary as it may be.